Post by loganfan on Mar 7, 2007 19:36:14 GMT -5
A Die Hard Leader 
Logan Elliot Nickel was an exceptionally great ruler. Not only did he solve the problem of repulsive ass holes that can *pauk* themselves because they have no feelings, but also he was a totally awesome dude. His way of ruling over his people was firm, but just. All, especially the ladies, loved him. He could often be found buried under an enormous heap of orgasming women. This only happened against his will, of course... Except on his birthday and once every other week. All the guys were jealous of this. Of course, they were likewise jealous of his chiseled, rock hard abs and his extremely serious way of keeping good hygiene. He lived by his hair. He always had it up with gel. This enabled him to die at any time that he wished. You see, his motto was “Die hard.” He always lived up to this motto…
His rule over the entire universe might not have been possible if it wasn’t for his handy dandy little tool called the sex ray. The sex ray enabled him to do anything sexual to anyone at anytime. From miles, or even light-years away. This is an extremely powerful weapon. It always came through for him, even in the most treacherous of situations. He has used it many times. Including on his friend Min’s hot little brother, C.J. (Don’t ask)…
Logan, as he liked to be called, was born in Texas. He was always a Texan at heart, even though he moved to Montana in his early childhood. While living in Texas, he met many very interesting people. His neighbors were rocker lesbians. They kept him awake for nights on end with their blaring heavy metal music and ecstatic cries of sheer girl-on-girl ecstasy. Logan’s other neighbors were Mexican… They mainly kept to themselves. Not purely because they were Mexican, but out of sheer terror of gazing upon the stern face of the all-powerful Logan.
Logan had manly grand adventures while in Texas, especially with the lesbians, but I wont get into that. (If you wanna get some juicy details, ask Mr. Macho Pants himself about it) One dark and stormy night, the sound of the wind hurling trees, knocking over power lines, and crushing small house pets. The sound was near deafening for the entire populous, with the exception of Logan. His younger sister, Hillary Ann Nickel, was just a small, innocent, little child, this terrifying night. Amid all the commotion she feel out of her crib and was severely injured. Everyone but Logan having gone deaf, he was the only one who could here her cries of agony. He managed to lead his blubbering parents to the site of the accident, thus saving her vile, insignificant life. While his parents were in the hospital, sick with worry for their young infant, Logan was forced to stay with a creepy old lady. She was a known sexual predator, but having already gone deaf 35 years ago, she was the only suitable option. Obviously she tried to persuade juicy young Logan to perform oral sex on her, but Logan would not give in to the temptation. For he was far too mentally advanced for oral sex.
Also while in Texas, he had a swing set that soared so high that he could see his whole town. He used this swing to plan attacks and see if his enemies were near. He also used it to spy on his lesbian neighbors. They fascinated him.
Another time in Texas, he witnessed something so terrible that it scarred him for his entire life: It was a bleak, sunless afternoon. Little Logan walked timidly down the street, his hands in his pockets. He noticed that there was a young girl shyly walking ahead of him. Logan recognized her from school, but didn’t talk to her for fear that he would lose brain cells attempting to communicate with the lower species. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a gigantic beast lunged out of some shrubs. Despite his panicked state, he managed to recognize this creature as a dog. It was huge. Logan knew she had no chance against it. Logan meagerly looked on as the giant hellhound tore off the girls arm!!! Young Logan valiantly ran for help and managed to save the girls life. Logan became a man that day.
He was an exceptional student; despite the fact that he was held back a year in second grade… His teacher was extremely mentally ill and was later shot. Execution style. He towered over all of the other children in his mental and physical status like a huge, throbbing erection sticking out of the middle of a beach. All of his peers envied him for his seductive smell of soap and his endless supply of Ticonderoga Black pencils.
It was in seventh grade, in Mr. Lazlovich’s room, that he met his most loyal fan EVER, Sonja Franceschi. They fit together like two retards in a pod. Logan and Sonja shared many Friday nights talking online about knee socks and bagels. They also spent many hours talking with Mr. Lazlovich about their favorite show, House. Logan was terrible at attempting to sing the theme song of House, but he was so deeply loved by them for his immense manliness that no one minded.
Sonja also played a minor role in his handsomeness. Aside from his natural allure, he had but one flaw: his uni-brow. This was only a slight flaw, since many women prefer body hair. But Logan thought that it was best for all if it was tamed. Once a month, in Mr. Love’s science class, Sonja would get a role of masking tape and perform the painstaking task of waxing Logan’s face. Its effects were immeasurable. Immediately after the task was done, everyone in the class, save Logan and Sonja, died. On the spot.
He met one of his greatest friends, and fellow leader, William Sheehe when he was just a wee boy. At first, Min and Logan hated each other. William, a.k.a. Min, was obviously jealous of Logan’s blinding manliness. Logan told Min that he was a vampire; this did not go over well. After a while, they grew to be friends. They shared the same devoted interest in Starwars.
Logan and his friends were always harassing and making clever deals with their fellow schoolmates. This brought their group great fortune. On one slow Tuesday afternoon, they scrounged up enough money to buy a digital camera. They are currently saving to buy 3.5 acres for their world headquarters. They were unbelievably smooth businessmen. They could convince a cripple to cut it’s own arms off… Logan and his friends were very close to each other. In a very non-sexual way. Sometimes. Usually. (Seth, mainly)... Logan was a very generous, caring friend that was always there to listen. He was of the utmost help towards almost everyone and he was always willing to become friends with someone new. Usually.
In seventh grade, Logan became interested in a certain girl named Elizabeth Ann Gates. He had known her since he was in sixth grade, but he stared to get to know her in October of 2005. Elizabeth, or Lizzie, was in the same grade as Logan. Like Logan, she was very tall, skinny, and good looking. In a non-sexual way. She was also very bright. She was a nice yet, slightly kinky and very weird girl… She loved vampires. She was perfect for Logan. And she, of course, was hopelessly drawn to his greatness.
It was a terrible shame when Logan died. His death was slightly awkward. Though it was perpetual, his hardness was a bit distracting at times. Like whilst he was trapped inside an alien hive. He and his faithful sex ray had managed to kill hundreds of thousands of them, along with their queen, but they were overpowered. Logan was brutally murdered! He died a very heroic death trying to save his people from slow, painful torture. He sacrificed himself for the sake of our simple, low species. We do not deserve this generosity.
WE MUST AVENGE HIS DEATH!!!!!!!!!!
~Logan, the almighty, assisted me with this story. Bow down in sheer disbelief~
Logan Elliot Nickel was an exceptionally great ruler. Not only did he solve the problem of repulsive ass holes that can *pauk* themselves because they have no feelings, but also he was a totally awesome dude. His way of ruling over his people was firm, but just. All, especially the ladies, loved him. He could often be found buried under an enormous heap of orgasming women. This only happened against his will, of course... Except on his birthday and once every other week. All the guys were jealous of this. Of course, they were likewise jealous of his chiseled, rock hard abs and his extremely serious way of keeping good hygiene. He lived by his hair. He always had it up with gel. This enabled him to die at any time that he wished. You see, his motto was “Die hard.” He always lived up to this motto…
His rule over the entire universe might not have been possible if it wasn’t for his handy dandy little tool called the sex ray. The sex ray enabled him to do anything sexual to anyone at anytime. From miles, or even light-years away. This is an extremely powerful weapon. It always came through for him, even in the most treacherous of situations. He has used it many times. Including on his friend Min’s hot little brother, C.J. (Don’t ask)…
Logan, as he liked to be called, was born in Texas. He was always a Texan at heart, even though he moved to Montana in his early childhood. While living in Texas, he met many very interesting people. His neighbors were rocker lesbians. They kept him awake for nights on end with their blaring heavy metal music and ecstatic cries of sheer girl-on-girl ecstasy. Logan’s other neighbors were Mexican… They mainly kept to themselves. Not purely because they were Mexican, but out of sheer terror of gazing upon the stern face of the all-powerful Logan.
Logan had manly grand adventures while in Texas, especially with the lesbians, but I wont get into that. (If you wanna get some juicy details, ask Mr. Macho Pants himself about it) One dark and stormy night, the sound of the wind hurling trees, knocking over power lines, and crushing small house pets. The sound was near deafening for the entire populous, with the exception of Logan. His younger sister, Hillary Ann Nickel, was just a small, innocent, little child, this terrifying night. Amid all the commotion she feel out of her crib and was severely injured. Everyone but Logan having gone deaf, he was the only one who could here her cries of agony. He managed to lead his blubbering parents to the site of the accident, thus saving her vile, insignificant life. While his parents were in the hospital, sick with worry for their young infant, Logan was forced to stay with a creepy old lady. She was a known sexual predator, but having already gone deaf 35 years ago, she was the only suitable option. Obviously she tried to persuade juicy young Logan to perform oral sex on her, but Logan would not give in to the temptation. For he was far too mentally advanced for oral sex.
Also while in Texas, he had a swing set that soared so high that he could see his whole town. He used this swing to plan attacks and see if his enemies were near. He also used it to spy on his lesbian neighbors. They fascinated him.
Another time in Texas, he witnessed something so terrible that it scarred him for his entire life: It was a bleak, sunless afternoon. Little Logan walked timidly down the street, his hands in his pockets. He noticed that there was a young girl shyly walking ahead of him. Logan recognized her from school, but didn’t talk to her for fear that he would lose brain cells attempting to communicate with the lower species. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a gigantic beast lunged out of some shrubs. Despite his panicked state, he managed to recognize this creature as a dog. It was huge. Logan knew she had no chance against it. Logan meagerly looked on as the giant hellhound tore off the girls arm!!! Young Logan valiantly ran for help and managed to save the girls life. Logan became a man that day.
He was an exceptional student; despite the fact that he was held back a year in second grade… His teacher was extremely mentally ill and was later shot. Execution style. He towered over all of the other children in his mental and physical status like a huge, throbbing erection sticking out of the middle of a beach. All of his peers envied him for his seductive smell of soap and his endless supply of Ticonderoga Black pencils.
It was in seventh grade, in Mr. Lazlovich’s room, that he met his most loyal fan EVER, Sonja Franceschi. They fit together like two retards in a pod. Logan and Sonja shared many Friday nights talking online about knee socks and bagels. They also spent many hours talking with Mr. Lazlovich about their favorite show, House. Logan was terrible at attempting to sing the theme song of House, but he was so deeply loved by them for his immense manliness that no one minded.
Sonja also played a minor role in his handsomeness. Aside from his natural allure, he had but one flaw: his uni-brow. This was only a slight flaw, since many women prefer body hair. But Logan thought that it was best for all if it was tamed. Once a month, in Mr. Love’s science class, Sonja would get a role of masking tape and perform the painstaking task of waxing Logan’s face. Its effects were immeasurable. Immediately after the task was done, everyone in the class, save Logan and Sonja, died. On the spot.
He met one of his greatest friends, and fellow leader, William Sheehe when he was just a wee boy. At first, Min and Logan hated each other. William, a.k.a. Min, was obviously jealous of Logan’s blinding manliness. Logan told Min that he was a vampire; this did not go over well. After a while, they grew to be friends. They shared the same devoted interest in Starwars.
Logan and his friends were always harassing and making clever deals with their fellow schoolmates. This brought their group great fortune. On one slow Tuesday afternoon, they scrounged up enough money to buy a digital camera. They are currently saving to buy 3.5 acres for their world headquarters. They were unbelievably smooth businessmen. They could convince a cripple to cut it’s own arms off… Logan and his friends were very close to each other. In a very non-sexual way. Sometimes. Usually. (Seth, mainly)... Logan was a very generous, caring friend that was always there to listen. He was of the utmost help towards almost everyone and he was always willing to become friends with someone new. Usually.
In seventh grade, Logan became interested in a certain girl named Elizabeth Ann Gates. He had known her since he was in sixth grade, but he stared to get to know her in October of 2005. Elizabeth, or Lizzie, was in the same grade as Logan. Like Logan, she was very tall, skinny, and good looking. In a non-sexual way. She was also very bright. She was a nice yet, slightly kinky and very weird girl… She loved vampires. She was perfect for Logan. And she, of course, was hopelessly drawn to his greatness.
It was a terrible shame when Logan died. His death was slightly awkward. Though it was perpetual, his hardness was a bit distracting at times. Like whilst he was trapped inside an alien hive. He and his faithful sex ray had managed to kill hundreds of thousands of them, along with their queen, but they were overpowered. Logan was brutally murdered! He died a very heroic death trying to save his people from slow, painful torture. He sacrificed himself for the sake of our simple, low species. We do not deserve this generosity.
WE MUST AVENGE HIS DEATH!!!!!!!!!!
~Logan, the almighty, assisted me with this story. Bow down in sheer disbelief~