Post by Crow on Oct 21, 2007 1:29:16 GMT -5
A rant that popped into my head whilst I was stalking this site. I'm writing off the top of my head.
What do I feel right now but emptiness. Not in the sense of apathy, but in the sense that I am no longer whole. Am I broken? Is a birds appeal lessened when its wings are ripped from its body? Its name forgotten in the winds? An obvious answer. Though, I know that this is not about depression, oh on the contrary it's about the lack of it. I won't act like I know what I'm talking about, really I don't. In fact, I don't know why I write this, when the only people who will read most likely don't want too. I lack the understanding of that, and all other things that used to make sense. They are now, enigmatic. I no longer ponder the motives of murderers, or why the Crows outside my window won't shut their mouths. World events, birthdays, and even moving day for a family member are all meaningless. Not worth thought. Want to know what does fill my mind? Terror, and shame, I'm paranoid. The house that creaks in the night fills my mind with breaking bones and shattered, bloody mirrors, with faces of demons in the chips. Shame, because I have no worth, that was taken, I know that much. It was stolen along with another part of my being. What though? I'm trying to think of more things to write, I feel as if they need to be said. But what are they? 30 minutes has elapsed since I first wrote "A rant...". What does that matter though?
Am I broken? Yes, and confused. Perhaps even stupid. Not stupid for lacking knowledge of the workings of the mathematical, scientific, and historic worlds. Stupid for believing in something being eternal, other then God. How naive I was, and possibly still am. As I write, I'm looking through dictionary.com for a word that best describes me. I found it.
e·nig·ma /əˈnɪgmə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-nig-muh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -mas, -ma·ta /-mətə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[-muh-tuh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation.
1. a puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation: His disappearance is an enigma that has given rise to much speculation.
2. a person of puzzling or contradictory character: To me he has always been an enigma, one minute completely insensitive, the next moved to tears.
Maybe I am insane, if I am, it does not matter. It has no effect, why would it when my only goal is to make it through a day, Just to make it through. Gah, I'm done with this thread. Until I decide to write again kiddies, good night.
What do I feel right now but emptiness. Not in the sense of apathy, but in the sense that I am no longer whole. Am I broken? Is a birds appeal lessened when its wings are ripped from its body? Its name forgotten in the winds? An obvious answer. Though, I know that this is not about depression, oh on the contrary it's about the lack of it. I won't act like I know what I'm talking about, really I don't. In fact, I don't know why I write this, when the only people who will read most likely don't want too. I lack the understanding of that, and all other things that used to make sense. They are now, enigmatic. I no longer ponder the motives of murderers, or why the Crows outside my window won't shut their mouths. World events, birthdays, and even moving day for a family member are all meaningless. Not worth thought. Want to know what does fill my mind? Terror, and shame, I'm paranoid. The house that creaks in the night fills my mind with breaking bones and shattered, bloody mirrors, with faces of demons in the chips. Shame, because I have no worth, that was taken, I know that much. It was stolen along with another part of my being. What though? I'm trying to think of more things to write, I feel as if they need to be said. But what are they? 30 minutes has elapsed since I first wrote "A rant...". What does that matter though?
Am I broken? Yes, and confused. Perhaps even stupid. Not stupid for lacking knowledge of the workings of the mathematical, scientific, and historic worlds. Stupid for believing in something being eternal, other then God. How naive I was, and possibly still am. As I write, I'm looking through dictionary.com for a word that best describes me. I found it.
e·nig·ma /əˈnɪgmə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-nig-muh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -mas, -ma·ta /-mətə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[-muh-tuh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation.
1. a puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation: His disappearance is an enigma that has given rise to much speculation.
2. a person of puzzling or contradictory character: To me he has always been an enigma, one minute completely insensitive, the next moved to tears.
Maybe I am insane, if I am, it does not matter. It has no effect, why would it when my only goal is to make it through a day, Just to make it through. Gah, I'm done with this thread. Until I decide to write again kiddies, good night.